


we were never a story to be told.

by bunnybaes



Category: CIX (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, M/M, cursing, drunk gonhun, fights :(, i'd like to say happy Ending but find out, self issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:22:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27656794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnybaes/pseuds/bunnybaes
Summary: they were never a story to be told; neither a hollywood movie.
Relationships: Kim Seunghun/Lee Byounggon | BX, Kim Yonghee/Lee Byounggon | BX
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	we were never a story to be told.

**Author's Note:**

> just a light warning, if you've ever experienced a toxic relationship or have had experiences doubting in a relationship, you can skip this one :( but i promise everything goes fine.
> 
> this stayed in my drafts for so long i'm not really confident about it so if u see some errors pls be nice to me i didn't edit this lmao

Seunghun doubts.

And doubts.

Fear runs in his bloodstream with the booze.

His thoughts are thick fog that weighs on top of his head. Dense dark clouds.

Dark clouds that bear heavy tears that are about to fall out from his eyes.

He's bottling up lightning in his chest; loud thunders that rhythm the beat of his heart.

—

He obviously don't belong here. He is physically present but his mind is somewhere else he wants to escape from. He's jailed with his own thoughts; fears.

He's handcuffed, perhaps wearing a straitjacket that keeps him from getting in touch with the reality in front of him.

_Byounggon._

Byounggon is right in front of him. With rum in his one hand and the other on his waist, floating in the air the next second as he threw his head back out of laughter.

Seunghun doesn't think he's met Byounggon's eyes; not even once today. As if he can get himself to do it these days. Doing so tightens a knot in his core; a rope that pulls the tears out from the well beneath his eyes.

Nothing's fine. Why would he lie? Why is he lying to himself and to everyone else around them? Why is he here? Facing Byounggon's back as he talked with an _acquaintance_ of his that Seunghun has only met today.

Seunghun presses his back by the bar as he continually rotated himself back and forth with the stool he's sitting in. The motion stirs the tsunami inside his head as white heat drapes over him.

This was not a good idea. None of this was. It never was.

He's got other intentions he won't admit. Not even to himself.

He wants Byounggon's attention. He wants to go home. He wants to talk down everything that's been going on between them for the past weeks. He wants to cry on Byounggon's shoulder. He wants to feel his warmth. He wants to kiss him.

And push him away.

He wants to rage.

But he's trapped in this humid dark room full of sweaty strangers, loud electronic noise that vibrates underneath him. His _seventh_ shot of vodka in his hand and his skin feels thick; numb.

He knows he's not good at this. A can of beer can kick him straight to his bed. Byounggon knows that. He knows that well enough to stop Seunghun from ordering vodka; his seventh shot of vodka. But he didn't.

Did he even hear Seunghun call the bartender? Did he even talk to Seunghun once tonight? Is he even aware of Seunghun's presence from behind him when he told him to come to this place first things first?

'You can come here if you want. I'll be home late tonight.' — _Received. 9:08 P.M._

And so Seunghun did. Searched for Byounggon in his usual spot to see him with that acquaintance named Yonghee he's been chatting and laughing with for god knows how long.

Seunghun is scared.

It's an understatement.

His insides are destructing.

He is trying his best to hold himself together by being there. Being there is enough. Although it feels like a strong punch in his gut, a resounding slap on his face that pricks to this moment. A nail pushing deeper in his ticker as the time goes by and Byounggon goes on ignoring his presence.

Seunghun's thoughts are scattered all over the place; silently. As he bite his inside cheeks to keep himself from slamming his fist on the bar and causing a scene.

A shot of flame trails through his throat as he gulped in the vodka in his hand; a rush of blood along with myriad of thoughts shoot up his head.

Seunghun blames no one but himself.

He blames himself from giving in to the concept of him moving in with Byounggon thinking their story is a fairytale to be told. A cliche love story ending happily ever after.

If it's a story about love, then why does it have to have an ending when two lovers promise to keep each other forever?

A love story is not supposed to end.

It's not a love story if it ends; may it have a happy ending or not.

That's where he went wrong.

Seunghun saw him and Byounggon as characters of a romantic hollywood movie, a best selling Nicolas Sparks novel, a fairy tale; but all of those end.

And now his ending with Byounggon is happening right at this moment.

Byounggon is so far away from his reach. He's tied tight from where is he is and Byounggon is running further and further away.

Because he pushed him away in the first place.

Seunghun is crowded with his own demons. Demons that he traps inside him and he battles with them in silence.

Byounggon is home hanging by the edge of the cliff.

Loving Byounggon felt something so right yet so risky; a calling warmth that tells him everything's going to be alright as long as they got a tight grip of each other.

But what if one of them loosens? What if one them slips away? What if it's too much to hold on?

But they are all inside Seunghun.

He woke up one day unsure of the man in his arms.

—

Clink.

Tenth shot of vodka.

No words, no touch. Nothing for the past three hours.

The floor is wavy beneath his vision. Seunghun tries to dip his feet from the high stool he's sitting from. He felt his knee fail him to stand straight.

Yonghee's attention switches off from Byounggon to the falling boy behind him and so did Byounggon's. His quick reflex leads him to catching Seunghun's arms before he falls off the stool.

“Shit. Seunghun!” Byounggon curses as helped Seunghun stand straight. “How much have you drank?!”

Seunghun smirks and pushes him off as he tried to stand by himself.

“What have you been giving him to him?! How much has he had?!” Byounggon asked the bartender behind the bar. “He's got a fucking low—”

“He's been _asking_ for shots of vodka. I won't give him anything if he doesn't ask. He's had ten.” The bartender answers as he kept himself focused on his cocktail.

“TEN?!” Byounggon shouts out of shock. He knows how low Seunghun's alchohol tolerance is. A ten shots of vodka could make him sick for days.

He turns his head only to find that Seunghun isn't standing behind him anymore. Without notice, Byounggon pushes his way out of the crowd and the pub.

Byounggon himself is intoxicated but he can handle is liquor well.

Him and Seunghun has always been a perfect match. He's always been there to watch over Seunghun's intake and take care of him when Seunghun's too stubborn to control.

The cold city air hits Byounggon's moist skin.

“Fucking idiot. Fuck.” He curses to himself. He knows it's his fault. He knows he's ignored Seunghun for the past hours; on purpose.

Byounggon knows what he's doing. He knows why he told Seunghun to come here even if he didn't want to. Neither did he want to drink on a Tuesday night. Neither did he want to use Yonghee to push Seunghun to his limit. Neither he want to do this to Seunghun.

He just wants everything to be fine again. He just wants to get Seunghun to spill what he's been keeping.

Byounggon spotted Seunghun bowing down a dump with his hand on his stomach and the other pushed against the brick wall in a dark alley.

The ground tugs Byounggon's heart down.

This isn't the way. This was never the right way in the first place. It hurts him to see Seunghun like this when it's his fault. He has always been his responsibility; his sweet liability.

Byounggon runs on his way to Seunghun. His head throbs, his heart races along with the heat all over his body from the rum that's been hitting his bloodstream for hours.

Seunghun is wiping his mouth by the back of his hand by the time Byounggon reached him.

Byounggon is lost for words.

“I'm sorry.” Is all he can say as he rubbed Seunghun's back who resumed from letting the toxin out of him in the dump.

“Let's go home. Please.” Byounggon followed.

Seunghun tried his best to stand straight on the ground as Byounggon missed the way Seunghun wiped the tears forcing their way out of his eyes.

As if Byounggon was some ghost around him, Seunghun tries to stride down the street to call for a cab. Byounggon follows closely behind without saying a word.

The string between them feels like it was stuck on a tight knot. No matter how close they are the moment they got into a cab.

Seunghun's vision is way clearer than it was moments ago before he threw everything up. But he's far away from feeling better; nothing has gotten better.

There was nothing but silence and a thick space between them. It's just the roaring sound of engine and the wheels hitting the pavement as Seunghun pressed his head on the window; failing to keep the tear from falling on his cheek.

Byounggon's heart clenched. There was no way he missed that this time.

The tall buildings and late night city lights passed vaguely from Seunghun's vision as his eyes filled with tears. Tears that turned into heavy sobs, silent heaving chest as he felt Byounggon's warmth on his shoulder; Byounggon's arm snaking around his waist.

“I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry.” Byounggon whispered repeatedly against Seunghun's neck as he shut his eyes closed, his tears falling harder on his cheek.

—

The whole trip to their cozy apartment was filled with nothing but silence; silent tears and battles.

Seunghun kept it in his chest. He loathes himself for this; a lot. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to let go of this rage inside him. He doesn't know how to build them back together when he can't even do that to himself alone.

It hurts him. It hurts him to not be able to say what he wants. It hurts him that Byounggon is a thin thread away from slipping further away from him.

And this is how it started in the first place.

Losing Byounggon felt like losing his life. Losing his future.

Seunghun envisions his life as pitch black without Byounggon in it. He has no idea where to go. He doesn't ever want to open a new book without Byounggon because Byounggon has only been the best book he's saved for the last in his shelf. A book he won't ever want to end; a book he'll continue to write.

And so for Byounggon who would tell him almost everyday. But Seunghun won't ever believe as long as he feeds his own demons living in him.

—

Seunghun goes straight to the bathroom as soon as Byounggon unlocked their front door.

“Hun plea-” Byounggon tried to stop Seunghun by catching his wrist but he misses as Seunghun shut the door on his face.

Seunghun tugs at his hair as he sits at the cold bathroom floor; the storm in him pouring all out from his eyes. Rolling thunder in his chest.

A ray of sunshine that he could only see in Byounggon's face is nowhere to be seen.

Byounggon sits from the other side of the door. Waiting for Seunghun. Patiently.

He'll always be patient for Seunghun.

He's waited all his life for someone like Seunghun to come, waiting for him to come out and talk this through to fix them is nothing compared to that. He'll do everything that it takes to keep Seunghun; no matter how long he has to wait for Seunghun to feel better enough and get them back to the way they were.

“I love you. So much.” Byounggon couldn't help himself to say the words, he knows Seunghun can hear him from behind.

Seunghun's tears shoot up to his eyes, his chest heaving as he breathes from his mouth.

“And I'm sorry if I was never enough. I'm sorry if none of what I've done is enough. I love you, Seunghun. I don't ever want to lose you.” Byounggon shakes as his own tears start to fall out from his eyes. “I may not have an idea what's going on, or where did I go wrong... what did i or perhaps not say to keep us together. But I promise that I'll be staying around you. Patiently. Just to keep you close to me.” Byounggon exhales shakily. “You don't have to say anything. I'll wait. I just want you to know that I love you and... that I'm scared to lose you.”

Seunghun pushes his head back against door from hearing Byounggon cry.

Byounggon has always said that. Why is it so hard for Seunghun to believe it? He does not want his fears to eat him alive but it's too late. It envelopes his whole being and he wants to get out of it. He wants to know how it feels like to be in Byounggon's arms without feeling like he's temporary when he's the last thing he wants to lose.

—

Seunghun feels home within Byounggon's warmth.

Byounggon is the first glimpse of sunshine in a day. He is the warm touch of sun even if the cold touches your skin. His soft skin is the sound of birds on a morning break, his eyes are coffee to keep Seunghun alive.

That's how it always felt like.

Seunghun found Byounggon asleep with his unchanged clothes in their couch. His heart clenched at the sight of Byounggon sleeping so sound yet so worn out.

Seunghun scooted closer to Byounggon's warm and soft neck, wrapping his arm around Byounggon's body. He feels Byounggon's pulse with his nose as he places a soft peck on his warm skin.

Byounggon holds Seunghun tight in between his arms as his senses woke up him up from Seunghun's soft lips on his skin.

“I love you.” Seunghun whispered, his breath sending chills to Byounggon's skin.

Byounggon presses a soft, long kiss on Seunghun's forehead and moved away his hair from his eyes to look at them through the dark. The faint light from the lamp being their only source of light.

Seunghun softly kisses Byounggon's lips as he felt his tears betraying him again, failing to hold them. Byounggon kisses his tears away the moment Seunghun pulled away.

“I'm sorry for doubting you, Gon. I'm just too scared to wake up without you next to me. I just fear.. that I'll close my eyes and the next thing I know is you're just a beautiful memory to me and I don't want that. I don't want you to be just a memory. I want all of my memories to be with you. I want my whole life to be with you.” Seunghun sobbed harder on Byounggon's neck as he rubbed his back. “And I – I hate that I made you feel like you haven't done enough to assure me when it's just always me. It has always been me. I'm sorry for not trusting you.”

“I have been wrong too. Okay? Don't blame yourself alone on this. I had no idea that I've been fixing this the wrong way.” Byounggon held him closer to his chest. “You are the greatest love I've ever had, I won't ever afford to lose you, too. I'll do everything to keep you with me.”

—

They were never a story to be told; neither a hollywood movie.

Love should always be an open-ended story; a story only the two of them could decide what comes next.

Never ending.

**Author's Note:**

> Our worst foes would always be ourselves. The worst battles will always occur within you. And I KNOW, fuck byounggon for being so manipulative right there. Also Yonghee, honey I'm so sorry 😭


End file.
